No Shame
by trex333
Summary: Jade realizes she no longer wants to be with Beck and goes to discover part of who she is with the help of Cat. Jade POV
1. Chapter 1

**Note: I do not own Victorious, If this doesn't blow then ill keep adding chapters faster.**

Why is this so hard? I've never had issues telling people exactly how I feel about them, and I have certainly never had trouble hurting people's feelings. This time it was different though, this was Beck, the boy I've been with for what seems like forever.

Trust me when I say forever.

I love him though, of course I love him, but I know I'm not _in_ love with him. He deserves to know the truth, right?

How am I going to tell him? Should I just be blunt as hell as I normally would or should I actually attempt to be sensitive to his feelings? God, this shouldn't be so hard, not for me. This is the kind of stuff whiny teenagers worry about.

To be fair though, I do care about Beck even if I no longer want to be with him. So maybe I should actually try to not be a total bitch to him.

So that's that, I'll try to be sensitive but I have to be honest with him. Even if it hurts him. I don't know why it has taken me so long to realize that I don't want this relationship anymore, I don't know how he didn't realize it either, I can tell he isn't as happy with me as he lets on. Although, maybe he did realize it, maybe he has been wanting to break up too, that could be wishful thinking though, that would be too easy. Ill call him up and ask him to meet me, I've been putting this off for too long.

* * *

><p>(ring...ring...)<p>

"Hey whats up?"

"Hi Beck.. it's Jade"

"Um, yeah I know. It says it on my phone."

"Right, listen I need to talk to you. Meet me at the park near your house in twenty minutes"

"Uh, I guess? What is this about?"

"I'd rather discuss it once I see you"

"Okay, I'll see you there"

(click)

* * *

><p>Part of me can't believe I'm about to break up with him but another part of me feels like it's so natural to not want to be with him anymore. To be honest I don't know whats wrong with me, I just can't kiss him and feel what I think I'm supposed to be feeling. He tries to be more intimate with me and I cringe at the thought of having sex with him, I refuse to force myself to do it. It's not that he isn't good looking because he is, there's just some imaginary wall in my head that I can't get past with him. He says he understands that I don't want to have sex or get too intimate, but the problem is that I don't understand.<p>

Oh shit, here he comes.

"Hey Jade, here I am. Now what did you want to talk about?"

"Beck, I want to break up"

Look, I know what I said, okay? I said id try to act sensitive towards him, but that is just NOT my style. So instead I just spewed out the words without even thinking about it.

"Haha, you can't be serious"

Did he just...laugh at me? Count to ten Jade.

"No really, I'm serious.."

"Why? We haven't even been fighting lately, not much at least."

"Because, I just can't see myself with you. I know this is kind of sudden but I know you can feel it. I mean I can barely stand to kiss you anymore"

"Ouch, I never thought you didn't love me. I just thought that was who you were, cold."

COLD?

"I am not fucking cold, maybe it's just you."

"Christ calm down, look what is this about, I love you Jade"

"I love you too Beck, but not in that way. I've tried."

"You've tried? What the fuck does that mean? So.. what.. is this it? Are you serious? I can't believe this."

God, I feel bad for him, I mean he has the look of a sad little dog right now, but I can't just be with him to keep him from getting hurt, right? I probably shouldn't have been so blunt but I thought he would be used to it by now

"I'm sorry Beck, I really am but it isn't fair to you or me if I stay with you."

"This is stupid, what's wrong with you? I think we can work through this"

"No, we can't. I just can't do this anymore. I'm not sure why, but I just can't. This isn't working out for either of us and I know you know what I'm talking about."

"Whatever, Jade"

I stood up as the awkward silence started and he just kind of sat there. I didn't know what else to tell him, and I could tell he had nothing else to say. I felt he understood when I told him he knew what I meant when I said it's not working out for us. I drove back home and I didn't even turn the radio on, I just wanted to hear myself think. I know he's hurt but I could tell from our relationship that he was just as complacent as I was and not really truly in love with me. He will get over this, he knows he will too. Besides I know that bitch Tori has had a huge crush on him for a while so maybe she can keep him distracted.

Don't get me wrong, I feel terrible that I hurt his feelings. I rarely feel terrible about hurting people, but I was close to Beck. As close as I could have gotten to him at least, the only other person who I am really close to is Cat.

I tried to text Beck later in the day to make sure we could keep it civil but he wasn't answering back.

Some time later I received a text back from him.

" I get what you were saying, but it doesn't mean it didn't hurt me"

I knew he would get it, I wasn't making shit up when I said our relationship wasn't what it should be. Still though, I didn't expect him to not be hurt.

* * *

><p>Ugh, it's Monday. I hope things aren't going to be awkward with Beck. I mean, I guess I could avoid him all day but that seems like such a bad approach. Whatever, I will just act like nothing happened. That's probably what he will do anyway. Beck not being emotional and dramatic is an extremely good thing for me today.<p>

At school I get a few stares, I can't tell if it's because everyone knows about Beck and I, or because I said something mean to one of them the past week.

"Hi Jade!" I hear the perky voice coming from Cat, as she hugs me. I don't usually let my friends hug me for no reason but I allow it from her because ..Well, I don't know why, because it's Cat okay?

"Hey Cat."

Immediately without wasting a second, she practically screams,"JADE DID YOU REALLY BREAK UP WI-". I put my hand over her mouth, my god did she really have to yell that out. I'm sure everyone knew by now anyway, but shit doesn't need to get any more awkward.

"Cat shut up, let's talk about this somewhere else." I led her into the janitor's closet. I don't feel like I have to explain myself to anyone but I make the exception for Cat, since she's my best friend.

I know what you're thinking. "Cat's your best friend? What the fuck?" but listen, shes a really sweet girl, she's easy to talk to and she listens and hangs onto my every word. I love listening to her too, even when I act like I hate hearing her stupid stories about her brother and vacations gone wrong.

"Jade" she continued, squeezing next to me in the closet and grabbing my hand "You broke up with Beck? I tried to text you all weekend when Tori told me but you didn't answer!"

"Yes Cat, I did. Sorry I didn't answer but I just didn't want to discuss it"

"Why?"

"I don't know, It just didn't feel right with him. You know?"

"No, I mean why didn't you feel like talking about it, I thought we could talk to each other about anything!"

"It just didn't seem like I should have"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Christ, nothing I just meant.. It was too soon to start talking about it, I don't know. I'm sorry okay?"

"Okay... Are you okay Jade? Aren't you sad?"

"Yeah, I'm surprisingly okay actually. Wait how did Tori know Beck and I broke up?"

"Beck told her, Tori seemed excited to tell me! She also told Trina, but Trina told everyone else"

Ha, see? Tori has a thing for Beck.

"Oh okay, well I'm glad Trina's big ass mouth told everyone so now I don't have to."

"Jade! Don't say that, that's a bad word!"

"Oh, sorry.. I meant ass as in donkey"

"That's _so_ mean!"

Typical Cat, defending even the most annoying people. Although, I guess that's one of the things I love about her. She's kind to everyone, especially me. Even if I tease her from time to time, which I've cut back on since we've gotten closer.

"Alright Cat we better go to class now, unless you want to stay in this gross closet all day"

"I wouldn't mind as long as I was with you!"

I smiled and walked out without saying anything to her. Not that it wasn't adorable that she said that, but I don't always know how to respond to her sappy sweetness. It's not that it makes me feel uncomfortable. I love when she says shit like that, for whatever reason. I just don't really know what to say back.

Instead of sitting down next to Beck in class today I decided to just sit next to Cat. She loves sitting down next to me and letting me hear her comments anyway, even when she doesn't like mine.

Sikowitz is wearing an especially weird outfit today in class. I don't even think its an outfit, I'm pretty sure those are just pajamas. Some weird pants with different colored polka dots on them, and a big sweater with palm trees all over it.

The most hideous things I've ever seen, and I let Cat know.

"Do you think he gets his clothes from his grandmother or the 'I'm a crazy hippie' store?"

"I think his pants are nice! They're colorful and look like the colors of an ice cream shop, ice cream is so yummy!"

I know she thinks ice cream is yummy, we eat it all the time together, even when I don't feel like eating ice cream. She can't get enough of it, Cat would eat it for breakfast, lunch, and dinner if she could.

"Alright class! I want to do an exercise today with two students!" Sikowitz yells it from across the room, as if I wouldn't hear him if he were talking in a normal speaking voice.

"Hmm, I pick...Beck...and...Tori!" he says it eagerly.

Oh this should be good.

Beck and Tori get up to the front of the class, Tori looking very pleased with herself. Beck glances at me for a second, but it's not really too awkward. Maybe I should be jealous but I'm definitely not. I find it very amusing how much Tori likes Beck. It's like a puppy looking at you while you eat dinner and you just feel terrible for it. Beck is the food and I'm the owner, shes the puppy waiting for the scraps of food to be thrown at her.

"Hmm okay, Tori.. you are a sleazy pawn shop owner and Beck, you just got ripped off by her. GO!"

Oh come on Sikowitz, this isn't the juicy performance I was hoping for.

Beck starts off the exercise by yelling at Tori about how the watch she sold him wasn't real gold or something, I could barely pay attention. I didn't want to watch this boring shit, I wanted to see some awkward sexual tension. I started looking around the room, trying to find entertainment in anything.

The only thing I could really pay attention to was Cat on my left, and the way her face lit up while watching other people perform. Her brown eyes get huge and glowy, her eyebrows arch upwards, and a dreamy smile forms. She is adorable when she gets excited. I always notice how pretty other girls are.

I especially notice how beautiful Cat is though, she has a way of hypnotizing me sometimes.

She turns around and notices me staring at her, "What?" she says.

I snap out of it and I try to come up with something. "I uh, you look nice."

God, that was so dumb I never compliment people she's going to get weirded out. I wasn't lying though, she did look nice. Cat always looks pretty in her bright colored outfits, they somehow always seem to match her bright red hair and her happy demeanor.

"Oh.. Th-Thanks!" A huge smile bursts out of her, and those glowy eyes come back.

Oh good, she didn't freak out.

My stomach flips around a little knowing I made her smile, but it doesn't change the fact I feel like an idiot that she caught me staring at her once again and I said something really cheesy to her.

I don't know why Cat does what she does to me, But I feel like that's part of who she is and that's just how she makes people feel, and not that it's something out of the norm.

I'm sure I can't be the only one that notices the little things about Cat, that listens to her ramble all the time, and gets a jolt of energy through her when Cat touches her and tells her nice things. But what if I am? Fuck Jade, get a grip I'm sure everyone gets stupid little girl crushes all the time. This doesn't make me gay, It's probably just the fact that she's my best friend and the only person I talk to about anything, rely on and trust. I do see myself looking at girls a lot, granted not as much as I look at Cat.

Fuck.. What if I am gay? Shi-

"Alright, everyone give a hand to Beck and Tori!" Says Sikowitz again in his screaming voice, interrupting my train of thought.

Oh, class is over. Thank god, if I had to drown out the sound of Tori's annoying Eastern European accent for her pawn shop character any longer, I was going to push her out the window next to the stage. Anyway, I don't think I'm a lesb-

"Are you okay?" I feel a soft poke on my arm coming from Cat.

"Y-yeah, why?"

"You have a worried face on. Is it Beck?"

"No, I guess I was just thinking."

"About Beck?"

"No Cat, not about Beck."

"About what?"

"Sikowitz's clothes, where does he buy them?"

"I've always wondered too!"

"Yeah, what a mystery. Let's go to lunch Cat."

"I love lunch!"

Cat and I walk to buy our food, she looks very pensive deciding what to get. She can never easily decide what she wants to eat.

"I think I'll get the... Macaroni!"

The guy hands her a plastic bowl with macaroni in it, and she looks pleased with her choice.

"I'll have the chicken burrito."

As far as school food goes, ours isn't a gourmet restaurant but it is a lot better than most school's menu I think.

I walk towards the lunch table we usually sit at during lunch and wonder if it's a good idea to sit there. Beck, Tori, and Andre are already there. God, this is going to be so awkward, but I have faith in Beck's maturity so maybe it won't be as bad as I'm thinking it could be.


	2. Chapter 2

**(note: sorry the chapter is a bit on the short side, but since the first one is pretty long you can forgive me right? I plan on making the next ones longer so don't worry.)**

You know what? Fuck it, I don't care if its going to be awkward or not they're still my friends... Well, besides Vega over there. In fact, lets add Robbie and Trina to the not my friends list.

Cat glances over at me "I'm going to get a soda, do you want one?"

"Yeah sure, get me whatever you get."

"Okay!"

Crap, why did she have to make me go and sit down alone? Not that I can't handle it, but it might help. I walk over to the table and set my burrito down. Andre, Tori and Beck try to avoid eye contact with me. Okay, this can't stay like this, it's too weird.

"So can we all act normal without it being awkward, or am I gonna have to find a new clique of idiots?"

Andre slips out a laugh. I like Andre, he's one of the few people I can tolerate, and it doesn't hurt he laughs at my comments.

Robbie suddenly joins the table. Appearing almost magically out of nowhere, holding his stupid puppet as usual and adds "Hey! I'm not an idiot!"

"Alright, a new clique of idiots and a freak." I tell him.

"Hey come over here and I'll show you freaky, girl." Says Robbie's stupid puppet with an attitude. Gross, even Tori cringes at "Rex's" comment. I swear if I didn't think Robbie was mentally challenged, I would have socked him in his stupid face a long time ago. Even then it would be like kicking a kitten though.

Beck sighs, "She's right though, let's just get over it and move on. Besides, this has nothing to do with anyone else." I'm glad I was right about him being mature, this could have gone much worse. Tori agrees with him and sends me a smile across the table, even though I couldn't care less for her approval.

"Yes, let's all get over it." I tell them.

Cat comes running over at the seemingly perfect moment to break the silence and yells "OH MY GOD! They sell grape juice in the soda machines now!" and squeaks out some shrill noise I can only decipher as pure bliss from her. She hands me one of the cans of grape juice and sits down next to me, looking joyously at all of us. She wasn't even worried about the problems between Beck and I. She must have known everything would be okay, sometimes I think she has a sixth sense for feelings. Either that, or she completely forgot about the break-up with all the excitement about the grape juice and all.

"Hey, I have an idea. Why don't we all go to the movies together this weekend! I think it's what we all need so we can all move on and be friends again." says Tori, acting like she just figured out world peace. Everyone starts agreeing with her.

"Really? Do I have to do this?" I tell them agitated.

"Aww come on Jade, It's gonna be so fun!" says Cat with pleading eyes. God, why does she have to look at me like that?

"Fine." I tell them.

Shit, this is gonna be so lame. I really don't want to spend more time than I have to with these people, but Cat and Andre are going too so it should be bearable. Plus, maybe it WILL help to make things normal again.

Tori cuts in and enthusiastically says "Cool, I'll text you all on Saturday so we can meet up. "

* * *

><p>Usually after school I take Cat home. Today is no different except for the fact that once I got to her house she didn't just tell me thanks and that she would text me later.<p>

"Jade, are you okay?"

"Why wouldn't I be? I told you I'm fine not being with Beck."

"No not about Beck, you just seem.. spacey lately."

Of all people, Cat calling ME spacey. What is she noticing though? Also, why did she assume I was fine about Beck? Is it her keen eye for feelings again or does she just not care?

"I'm fine Cat."

"Why have you been so nice?"

"I'm not nicer!"

"Well nicer to me!"

"I don't know.. you're my friend, I like you why shouldn't I be nice?"

"Okay." she reached over from her seat in the car and gave me a hug. I was surprised by it, I was a little stiff while I wrapped my arms around her. It felt good though, Cat is a great hugger. I've never been hugged the way Cat hugs me. She puts all her being into her hugs, she fully immerses herself into you. She pulled back and gave me one of her smiles. This smile was different though, her eyes and her smirk seemed to tell me she knew something I didn't.


	3. Chapter 3

**(note: hi guys, i hope you enjoy this chapter. its longer than the last one. id like to thank everyone that left reviews for the story so far, i appreciate it and you are all very kind. thanks to everyone who has read the story too! I put in a couple references to other nickelodeon shows. enjoy c:)**

Ugh, what time is it? It's only 11 AM? I feel like I slept much longer than that. It's nice to be able to sleep in though, weekends are great. Especially since I don't have to see all the people I dislike at school. Except for today, because I told everyone I would go to the movies with them. I can't believe I agreed to do this.

I hear my phone beep next to me. I have two texts, one from Tori and one from Cat.

"Hi guys! Let's meet at the movie theater next to the record store. The one we got kicked out of last month because Rex was being inappropriate. Be there at six!"

I don't bother replying to Tori, I move on to Cat's text.

"Good morning sleepy head! Wake up!"

"Morning"

"You're awake, yay! Let's go get some food before we go to the movies with everyone."

"Isn't it a little early?"

"Well I didn't mean now and you take forever to get ready, by the time you finish we will be hungry." I wish I could get mad at her for saying that, but its true.

"Alright, I'll go get you in a bit."

"Okay :D"

I don't see a point in going to the movies with everyone today, the rest of the week was pretty normal and Beck and I haven't been that awkward anymore. Whatever, maybe this won't be so bad though and I don't have any other plans besides lunch with Cat.

* * *

><p>A few hours later I get to Cat's house. I text her and let her know I'm here.<p>

"I'm here."

"Will you come in? I have a problem. The doors unlocked."

"Okay."

I get out of my car, wondering what her problem could be. It's Cat so it could literally be anything.

I open the door to her house and walk towards her room. Her room is so pink and bright, its full of flowery things and vibrant colors. I always I feel like I should have worn sunglasses to go into her room. I see Cat in the corner of the room, with her pants at her ankles and a worried face on.

"Uh shit, sorry Cat!" I turn around facing the other direction. I don't think I've ever seen so much of her.

"No its okay! Jade help me, my mom put my jeans in the dryer too long and now I can't get them on!"

I let out a hearty laugh. "Maybe you should lay off the ice cream."

"WHATS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?" she yells offended.

"I'm just kidding! Here, let's try to pull them up."

I kneel down in front of her. It made me a little nervous to be near her in this way. Nervous isn't an emotion I feel often, but to see Cat with her pants down right in front of me was something I wasn't exactly mentally prepared for. I've never noticed how tan and nice her legs are. Okay, maybe I have noticed before but I've never seen them like this. Her underwear were almost lined up right with my face. I almost couldn't help staring, I hope she didn't notice. They have little ice cream cones all over them and an ice cream cone button, how appropriate. I snap out of it and grab hold of the jeans. I need to stop being such a pervert, It's Cat! I can't be perving around for a girl, and not just any girl! CAT!

I try to pull the pants up, which turns out to be harder than I thought.

"Jesus, what did your mom do to these? They're tiny!"

"The dryer was broken and my brother said he fixed it but I don't think it's fixed after all!"

"Okay, I'm going to stand up really fast and pull the pants up, ready?"

"Ready!"

I jerk up suddenly and pull the pants along with me, for a second I almost thought it worked but then..

...rriiiiiiiiiiipppppp...

"What was that!" Cat said nervously

"Um... They ripped...Your pants ripped."

She started giggling uncontrollably "Hah! Like in Spongebob!"

"Let's find you some other pants.."

We find her another pair of pants, ones which weren't shrunk to fit a five year old. Except this time I didn't help her get into them. I wasn't sure if that was a good or a bad thing for me.

"I'm hungry!" she says with a little frustration.

"Alright, let's go get something to eat. Where do you want to go?"

"Sandwich Shack!"

"Okay"

* * *

><p>We get in my car and Cat turns on the radio, she plays some poppy song and starts singing along to it. Normally I would never let anyone touch or change my car radio but I don't mind if she does it, I love hearing her sing. It's no secret Cat has a beautiful singing voice, I usually sing right along with her even if I hate the song.<p>

We finally get to the restaurant, getting food before the movie was a good idea. I'm actually starving. We sit in a booth and Cat takes a seat next to me. She grabs the menu and excitedly ponders over what sandwich she should choose.

"Oh I think I'll get a turkey avocado! No I want a veggie sandwich. No I want turkey avocado!"

"Cat you're gonna have to make up your mind before the waiter comes."

"I know what I want, I want turkey avocado."

"Okay."

The waitress comes with a friendly smile on her face. "Hi can I take your drink orders?"

"Can I have lemonade?" Cat asks.

"Sure, one lemonade. For you?"

"I'll take some water." I told her.

"Alright I'll be back in a few with your drinks and to take your orders."

"What do you think we're gonna watch tonight?" Cat curiously asks.

"I don't know hopefully not something terrible."

"I wanna watch Romance Beach 2." Oh no, anything but that seriously id rather watch anything but that.

"Cat that movie looks terrible."

"It's so romantic though!"

"It's sappy and cliché, none of those things happen in real life."

"Aww, come on Jade. Don't you like a little romance?" she cuddled up to my shoulder and rested her head on it, holding my arm with her hand. My heart jumped up to my throat at that moment, feeling her that close to me sent a heat wave through my whole body.

"You guys are an adorable couple! Anyway, what can I get you guys?" the waitress asked with a friendly smile.

Did she just- what?

"Haha oh Jade you're blushing! Can I have an avocado turkey sandwich?"

The waitress thinks we're a couple?

"Okay what about you?"

Why would she say that? Oh my god, do I look like a lesbian? Wait, how does someone look like a lesbian? Oh my god why would she say that? What the fuck?

"Jaaaaade? Hello? She asked you what you want."

"I uh, that I want that too."

"Alright... I'll be right back with those sandwiches." The waitress says a little confused.

Who is she to assume anything anyway! What's her problem!

"Jade? Whats wrong? Did it really bother you that much that she thought we were a couple?"

"N-no it was just weird"

"It was funny!" she said it as she giggled.

"Yeah hilarious."

"Maybe if we tell her its our anniversary we can get free dessert!" she says jokingly.

She sat there and smiled at me for a while. The waitress' comments didn't even phase her, why? I think...I think the comments bothered me because... I...

"Hey ladies! Here are your sandwiches! Enjoy your food!" cuts in the waitress.

"Thanks!" Cat squeaks, immediately taking a bite from her sandwich.

I like Cat. There, I'm admitting it. I like Cat. I would very much like that girl's assumption to be true. God damn it.

"Yum! Jade aren't you gonna eat?"

"I..Yeah."

I take a bite of my sandwich, I don't feel as hungry as I was before. How could this happen? When did I start liking Cat? When did I start liking girls? I don't think you just start liking girls. Is this why I couldn't be with Beck anymore? Was it because I like girls or because I like Cat? I'm asking myself questions I can't even answer! I thought being gay was something that happened to other people, I never thought I'd be gay. I always thought I was normal looking at girl's this way. Maybe I should be wondering why It's Cat I have a crush on, but that's the one thing I understand. She makes me feel good, she makes me feel like I have no worries when I'm with her. She's more than everyone sees, like what a great conversationalist she is, or how kind she is. I don't think its weird that I like Cat, I think its weird I like a girl. I can't believe I realized I might be gay through a dumb waitress' comments while eating a sandwich, that's the dumbest way to discover anything about yourself. Maybe it's the small things that make you realize the big things though.

Cat finishes her sandwich hurriedly.

"Let's not be late!" she says frantically. Maybe I should have eaten slower to be late.

"Alright, let's go then" I tell her dreading it.

"Okay, I'll let Tori know we're on our way."

We pay for our food and I leave the waitress a bigger tip than id usually leave, I guess I have to thank her for making me realize I'm a big fat homo. Even if she is a presumptuous bitch.

* * *

><p>We arrive at the theater where everyone is waiting for us at the front.<p>

"Hi Tori, hi Beck, hi Andre, hi Robbie!...and Rex!" Cat greets everyone as she hugs them.

"Hi" I say to everyone dryly.

"Hey Jade, hey little red! You guys ready for the movie?" Asks Andre.

"Yeah it's been the highlight of my whole life." I tell Andre.

"What are we gonna watch?" Asks Tori looking at all of us.

"Don't look at me, I'm not choosing." Beck tells her.

"Oh! Rex and I have been wanting to watch the live action Boogie Bear movie!" Robbie spurts out.

Almost simultaneously everyone yells "NO!"

I would have suggested we go see that new horror movie everyone's been talking about, but I know Cat doesn't like horror movies. They scare her and I wouldn't want her to stay up all night because she's still terrified from the movie.

"I wanna see Romance Beach 2!" Cat yells at everyone.

"If I wanted to see that much drama I'd just hang out with you people more often" Says Robbie's puppet.

"Oh come on I think it looks cute!" says Tori.

"Let's just watch it then" I cut in.

"Wow Jade, I never thought you'd wanna see that kinda movie." says Beck looking at me confused.

"Yeah, has someone gotten into romance lately?" says Tori laughing.

"Shut up let's just get the tickets." I tell them annoyed.

"Yay! Romance Beach 2!" squeals Cat.

We buy the tickets and everyone walks toward the room where the movie is playing.

"Jade, can we buy some candy?" Cat asks me shyly.

"Yeah sure."

We tell everyone we would meet them in the theater. Cat interlocks her arm with mine and pulls me toward the concessions.

"Ooh, everything looks so good. Can I have twizzlers and... and sour patch kids?"

The guy wearing a stupid uniform hands her the candy. Before Cat is able to pull her money out I had already given the guy cash.

"Aw thanks Jade!"

"Yeah no problem." What a fucking romantic I am. But seriously Cat eats so much candy that it must burn a hole in her pocket, so I figured I'd help her out.

We walk into the theater, we see Andre waving to us from a seat in the back. We go up the dimly lit stairs and squeeze in between the seats to reach our destination.

"S'cuse me! Sorry! S'cuse me!" Says Cat to all the people we pass. I see guy she passes staring at her ass. I quickly glare at him and "accidentally" step on his foot with my heel.

"Oh Sorry! Silly me!" I tell him as he grabs his foot in pain.

We reach the seats where everyone's sitting. I take a seat next to Andre and Cat sits on the other side of me. Tori is sitting between Andre and Beck whilst Robbie and his toy are next to Beck. Of course Vega is sitting next to Beck.

Andre turns his head towards me and whispers. "This is gonna be terrible." I nod my head in solidarity with his statement. "Why did you agree to watch this anyway?" He asks.

"Cat wanted to see it" I whisper back.

"I see..." He says raising an eyebrow. What the fuck is that supposed to mean? Whatever.

"Oh oh! The movie's starting!" Says Cat, popping one of her twizzlers in her mouth as she offers everyone some of the candy.

The movie begins on some beach with two idiots who met at that same beach a year ago and miraculously meet again. This is going to be awful.

"John! You can never leave me again! We can move to this beach if we have to, but our love can never be torn once again. I won't allow it!" I gag at the opening line and Andre begins to giggle.

Cat turns around and grabs hold of my hand as she whispers "That's so sweet! They're gonna live on the beach, how romantic." Normally I think nothing of her grabbing me like that, I know she gets swept up in emotions often. Even though I'm used to her touching me I'm not used to how it makes me feel. I get shivers all over my body and the contact with her drives me crazy. I never stop her, it feels too good and too right. I love that she wanted to take hold of me while watching some romance film, I could imagine in my head that she wanted me to be that person in the movie for her. Feeling her touch me like I realize, I have to tell Cat about all of this. Even if she rejects me, it's better than acting like a scared middle schooler with a crush. No one else can know though, Andre looked at me looking at Cat's hand grasp mine and raised his eyebrow again with a smile.

"What?" I whisper to him.

"Mhhhm." he says in a sassy tone. What up with that? What is with him? Does he know I like Cat? How could he possibly know. He's probably just joking around.

We get to the end of the movie finally, with Cat cuddling up to me and grabbing me at every cheesy moment and Andre smiling at me when she does. The movie was terrible as I expected, I think it made me lose my gag reflex. At least Cat held my hand through most of it, which helped me miss a lot of the movie. We all leave the theater and say bye to each other, Beck and Tori leaving together of course. Andre is still talking with Cat and I though. I sense this as the perfect opportunity to have my talk with Cat.

"Cat, do you wanna spend the night?"

"Yeah!" she answers vividly.

"Heh heh, you two have fun now. Bye little red, bye Jade." Andre says, winking at me. What was that wink? Stupid Andre.


	4. Chapter 4

**(note: sorry this chapter took me a little longer to write, ive been a little busy lately and my new semester is about to start up. anyway i hope you enjoy this chapter... or love/hate it.)**

"I'm so excited we're gonna have a sleep over! What should we do? Watch movies? Oh I can paint your nails!" Cat says excitedly while we drive to my house.

"Sure Cat, we can do all of that."

"Yay!"

"Will your parents mind I'm coming over?"

"No they're away on vacation."

"Oh ok."

When I invited her over on impulse I didn't think about the fact that I actually have to tell her I like her. Fuck, how is she gonna react? Is she gonna be repulsed? I really can't put this off but I'm really nervous. I'll just wait for the right moment tonight, if such a thing exists.

We arrive at my house and I'm noticeably a little nervous.

"Jade, are you okay? You're being quiet." Cat asks with a quiet tone.

"Yeah, I'm fine." I smile at her as we walk into my room.

Cat always looks so interested when she walks into my room, she looks around like shes never seen a room that isn't frilly and full of bright colors. She likes to touch things that she's curious about but I don't mind it.

"What do you wanna do Cat?"

"I wanna paint your nails! Can I paint them pink?"

"Er, I don't have pink. Paint them black."

"Okay!"

I open my drawer and pull out my black nail polish. I like Cat and all, but I wouldn't paint my nails pink even for her. Shit, I'm still really nervous maybe I should put some music on. Some nice music should calm me down or distract me. I connect my Pear phone to my stereo and turn it on.

"Here's the nail polish." I tell Cat, handing it to her.

"Yay! Sit!" She says impatiently, patting the empty space of bed next to her.

"Wait do you wanna change first? I'll lend you some shorts and a shirt."

"Yeah, sure. Thanks Jade."

I go back to my drawers and get her a pair of purple shorts and a white t shirt, I get myself some black pants and a black shirt. I don't know why I got her the shorts, maybe I just want to see her legs again. What? They're nice okay.

"Here you go, you can uh.. change in the bathroom I guess."

"No It's okay." she says as she undresses and puts on the clothes I gave her. For a moment I can't stop myself from staring but I stop soon enough to not get caught by her. I change along with her and can't help thinking that maybe she undressed in front of me because she knows it drives me crazy. I don't think that's something Cat would do though, wishful thinking.

"Alright, let's paint your nails now!" Cat exclaims.

I take a seat in the middle of my bed as she grabs my hand. This nail painting slumber party shit is really cliché but I wouldn't ever tell that to Cat.

The song changes on my Pear phone, I almost forgot music has been playing. I guess I was really caught up in my thoughts. The song playing is one Beck sent to me a while ago, It has cellos and violins in the background with female vocals.

"What is this?" Asks Cat looking over at the stereo.

"It's some European band, do you not like it?" I know Cat doesn't just listen to pop but I can never be too sure about her taste in music because it's so varied.

"No I like it, it's a little dark and scary, but beautiful. Kind of like you Jade." She says as she looks up from painting my nails, sending a smile at me.

Cat just called me beautiful.. She also called me dark and scary though. I don't know how I should be taking that but it made me feel frozen in time, like I imagined it because it felt too nice.

"Jade! You're blushing again." Cat giggles as she keeps painting one of my nails.

Fuck fuck fuck.

"I uh. It's hot in here." Did I really just say that? Shit, here it comes again. That sudden heat wave rushing through my body.

"Cat I need to tell you something."

"What?" She looks up at me with a serious look on her face and stops painting my nails. I feel her thumb and her index finger rubbing my hand gently.

Oh crap, am I really about to do this? Fuck Cat, please don't hate me after this.

"Jade, what?" she asks again.

"Cat..."

"Jade you're scaring me are you okay?" she says worriedly.

"Cat I like you, not like friend like you. Well I like you as a friend too, but I like you more than a friend. Cat I think I'm gay." I over explained that like an idiot. I start to feel like I'm losing the ability to breathe. I've never felt like this before. Not once, even when I'm auditioning for something or on stage. I have never been this nervous in my entire life.

"Oh, I know. Don't scare me like that!" She giggles again and keeps painting my nails.

What the fuck did she just say? She knows? W..What?

"What do you mean you know?" I almost yell at her.

"I knew you liked me, and I knew you were gay silly."

"How?" How did she know? What the hell is going on.

"Remember when you first started dating Beck? You started being really nice to him at first. That's how you've been acting with me. You also stare at me a lot, and not in the way everyone stares at me when I tell a story or go on stage."

Wow, I knew Cat was a really emotionally connected person but I never realized she noticed such tiny things. I don't think people realize the weird little talents she has, I guess I didn't fully realize either.

"Why didn't you ever say anything?" I tell her sternly.

"It's more romantic if you tell me Jade!"

I should be pissed at her but I'm not. She's looking at me like she thinks I'm about to slap her.

I rush into her and meet my lips with hers. Cat doesn't hesitate. She instantly pulls me in closer kissing me back, I grab hold of her cheek and kiss her deeper. She still tastes like the candy she ate earlier, her lips are soft and delicate and it makes me go into a frenzy. The heat wave coursing through my body is now fire.

Is this happening, is this really happening?

Cat pulls me into her even more and she falls back on my bed. I lean onto her feeling her body against mine. I hear a soft moan escape her and it makes me weak, so weak I almost collapse on her. I feel her lips part, her body aching to taste me more, to have me more. I open my eyes for just a second to make sure this is real. Fuck, this is real. She takes hold of my neck and slips her tongue between my lips.

I pull back.

"Did I do something wrong?" She asks hurt.

"No not at all, sorry I guess I'm just surprised that happened."

She grabs my hand, her fingers are soft and inviting to mine. "Jade I like you so much, even if you're cranky sometimes." I've never felt the way I felt when she said that. I smiled at her and held her hand tighter.

"I like you too Cat, a lot."

I notice little spots of black on her cheek.

"Oh, Cat .. I got nail polish on your face."

I try to wipe off the black spots but they're there to stay. She sneaks in a quick kiss and giggles while my hand is on her face trying to take off the nail polish.

"Heh, I'll go get the nail polish remover."

I go to my bathroom looking for a cotton ball and the nail polish remover. I take a cotton ball and moisten it with the remover. I get a quick glance of myself in the mirror and see some of Cat's lip gloss on my lips reminding me that we did indeed just make out. I stared at myself in the mirror for what seemed like hours but was probably a couple seconds. I won't fight this, it was too natural for me to kiss Cat.

"Here lets take it off your face." I rub the cotton ball against her cheek and the black marks start to fade.

"Oh no Jade, your nails are ruined!" Cat sighs.

"It's okay, it was worth it." I smile at her as we giggle.

"We should watch a movie! Which ones do you have?"

"Umm, Let me go look." I turn off the music that's been playing from the Pear phone and go over to my small collection of dvds.

"I have.. Mortal Carnage 2, The Haunting Of Shelly Manor, Tears Of Small Children, Scream 1, and 2, and Kill Bill."

"Jade, those all sound scary." She says with a frown.

"Let me go to my parent's room and see if they have any that aren't scary."

"Okay."

I leave the room and go to my parent's, I figured Cat wouldn't want to watch any of my movies. It doesn't matter though I've seen them all way too much anyway, even Beck knows most of the lines to them. I rummage through my parent's dvd collection which is significantly bigger than mine and find one I think Cat might like.

"I found one." I tell her as I walk into my room.

"Ooh which?"

"Romance Beach 1, just kidding it's Finding Nemo. You like that one right?"

"YES!" She says jumping up slightly from the bed.

I don't really know why my parents have Finding Nemo in their movie collection but I won't complain because I actually like this movie and so does Cat. I slip the dvd inside my dvd player and turn on the movie. Cat is smiling at me as I turn off the light and walk towards the bed where shes laying. I get inside the covers with her and she immediately snuggles up to me, resting her head on my shoulder and putting an arm around me. At that moment I thought my stomach was going to come out of my mouth. God, this feels so good, to have her like this. It's all so sudden but I never want it to leave. I feel a sudden squeeze from Cat's arm, I look down at her and shes completely buried in me. It's like she can't get close enough to my body. She isn't really paying attention to the movie but I don't blame her, neither am I.

"Jade.." I hear a little whisper come out of Cat.

"Yes?"

"I want this to be for real. I want this to not go away."

"It won't Cat."

"Promise?"

"Yes, I.. I like you so much."

She digs herself up from my shoulder and sits up just enough to give me a soft and slow kiss.

"Be my girlfriend Jade."

"R..Really?"

"You don't want to."

"No of course I do Cat."

"Really? You're my girlfriend now?"

"Yes."

She smiled at me and went back to snuggling my shoulder. She wrapped her arm around me again tracing small circles on my arm, it gave me goosebumps. I couldn't believe how fast this all happened. I never actually thought Cat would like me back or that she would be my girlfriend. It's all so surreal, like I'm going to wake up any minute now.

Cat hugged me tight for a while until she fell asleep. I followed suit soon after that.

* * *

><p>I woke up the following morning with Cat's arm still wrapped around me. It wasn't a dream. I lay in bed not wanting to move her arm or wake her up. I stretch a little and reach my phone from the night stand to see if I have any messages. One from Tori, and another from Andre.<p>

"Morning cutie." I hear a sleepy voice coming from Cat who I suppose I woke up.

"Morning..Did I wake you? I'm sorry."

"No it's okay." She says with a smile and a sleepy look on her face, still holding onto me like she's afraid I'll disappear if she doesn't hold me tightly.

I check my texts to see what Vega and Andre said.

"Hi Jade, Can you bring my math notes back to me on Monday?" From Tori. Once again I don't bother to text back.

"Hey Jade how was the sleep over with little red? ;-)" What the fuck is Andre talking about?

"Cat."

"Yes?"

I show her the text from Andre.

"Do you know anything about this?"

"I told him we liked each other." she says shyly.

"Why!"

"Because I like you so much and I wanted to talk about it with someone, please don't be mad!"

"What the fuck, Cat!"

"Please don't say bad words."

"I am mad! I don't want anyone to know!"

"Why! Whats that supposed to mean?" She said with a hurt look on her face, her eyebrows scrunched up and looking like she was going to cry.

"B-Because! I don't want people to think I'm a freak!"

I got up from Cat's embrace and walked into my bathroom and closed the door. Jesus Christ, how could she just tell Andre like that? Who has he told? Who knows about this? No one should know about this except for Cat and I!

I hear Cat outside the bathroom door.

"Jade.."


	5. Chapter 5

**sorry i took forever to write this one, ive had literally no time with work and school. i apologize. heres the last chapter.**

* * *

><p>"Jade, please come out and talk to me." I heard quietly from the other side of the door.<p>

I can't help being mad at her for this. I don't want anyone to know, and I certainly don't want anyone to know when I didn't tell them. I take a second to regain myself, staring blankly at the sink in my bathroom.

"Jade please I'm sorry.."

I suppose I can't just ignore her forever. I unlock the door of my bathroom and Cat twists the handle open.

"I'm so sorry Jade!" She lunged at me and hugged me, I enjoy all of Cat's affections but this time I was too pissed to enjoy it.

"It's not okay Cat."

"Why? Why is it such a big deal?" She asked with a pained look on her face.

"Because, I don't want people to know. I just don't."

"Why do you care so much about other people knowing? If they think you liking me and being with me cause we're both girls is that bad then they aren't very good friends! Everyone is scared of you anyway, they won't say anything!"

"That's not the point Cat, and it is weird. We're both girls!"

"It's not weird! It's perfectly natural, my uncle and uncle told me a long time ago that it's okay!"

I stared at her for a few seconds, it's rare someone stands up to me like this.

"I'm sorry I told Andre, but I am not sorry that I like you. You shouldn't be either, I can't believe Jade West is scared of what a few people are going to say about her if they find out she likes a girl. I thought you were strong, I thought maybe I was worth it." She got out of the pajamas I lent her and put her clothes back on.

I stood there in awe of what Cat had just said. If it were anyone else but Cat that had said that, they would be sorry. I never thought Cat had it in her to say anything like that, this must be another side of her. A very serious side, which I knew she had but had never seen. Cat took a look at me for a second as she left, she looked like she was holding in a stream of tears.

I should have probably chased after her, but I wasn't in the mood to deal with all of this. I don't want to lose Cat but I also can't let anyone know about all this. It kills me that I made her cry and that I hurt her, but she shouldn't have told Andre. That was so stupid of her.

It's Monday and I still haven't talked to Cat since she left yesterday morning. I see Cat at her locker and approach her.

"Hi." I tell her as I walk up to her.

"Hey." she says not even looking at me.

"Cat, I'm sorry I got so mad but I just wasn't ready to tell people."

"I understand.." she said quietly still not looking me in the eye.

"Maybe we can, I don't know.. keep this a secret for a while?"

"No, that's not what I want. I thought you were coming to apologize or maybe to break up with me but that's even worse Jade." she looked at me with sad glossy eyes. They're a little swollen, letting me know she had been crying.

She's right, its despicable of me to come and ask her to keep the relationship a secret. But am I really ready to let this be all out in the open?

"I'm sorry Cat, I know that's not what you want. I'm just not sure if I can tell everyone yet."

"That's fine." she said as she walked away.

Was this it? Was I losing Cat not only as my best friend but as my girlfriend? I realized just then that when I let that perky red head follow me around all these years, it was for my benefit, not hers. People thought I was doing some kind of charity work hanging around her. That it wasn't possible for me to have a real friendship with her. But I realize now that I wasn't doing some kind of charity work, I kept her around because I love her, not because I felt sorry for her.

I'm not going to lose her because I'm scared of what a few people will say about me if they find out she's more than my friend. They should be scared of what I'll do to them if I hear them.

I walk down a hall and find Cat, Tori, and Robbie in a small group. Good, Beck isn't here to see this.

I push aside Tori and she lets out a loud "Hey!"

Sporting a serious face, I stand right in front of a very intimidated looking Cat.

"Jade what are you-" Tori asks me angrily before being cut off by what seems to be shock.

There I am, grabbing Cat's cheek in a public declaration of love and moving in to kiss her. I hope this cheesy shit is enough to get her back, I hope I'm not embarrassing myself for nothing. If I know Cat though, she's a sucker for cheesy romantic things, something I learned from watching Romance Beach 2 with her.

"Oh..my...GOD." screams Tori.

Robbie is standing still like a statue with shock on his face, his puppet sports a matching reaction.

At this point about fifty people are staring in silence watching as I end my kiss with Cat.

She almost doesn't look surprised, but she looks happy. One of the biggest smiles I've ever seen come from her beautiful lips.

"I promised Cat, I promised this wouldn't go away, that it would be real.."


End file.
